The first thing to keep in mind is that a New Years resolution is a behaviour change - you are wanting to do something different. ALL your behaviours are determined by the thinking that goes on in your brain. But the majority of our thinking is done by the automatic, unconscious part of your brain.
This is the most important aspect to realize about behaviour change. You see our brains are very good at matching the situation in front of us to our past experiences - our brains do this without us even consciously thinking about it. This is a strength - it is a large part of our expertise - and it's why we value experience.
This is also why we keep seeing things and doing things the same way over and over again, even when we recognize there is a better way to do it. So a key to New Year's Resolution success is recognizing that the challenge to changing your behaviour is the automatic processing of situations that your brain carries out.
Keeping this in mind, here are four important aspects to successful behaviour change. (Note that these are not "4 easy steps"...)
1. Be really clear on why you are doing it - what's in it for you$%:
Why are you doing it$%: Not just "I should" or "have to" or "good for me" or "my spouse says I should." It needs to be personal. The benefit could be a better relationship with your spouse, but only if you think that is true.
Be specific and exhaustive about this - list all the benefits of doing it, and of avoiding it, and WRITE IT DOWN.
2. Make yourself aware at the time you start to do the old behaviour.
Since the past habit is carried out by your unconscious, you often do it "without thinking". So you need something to make you aware that you are doing it. An example would be the foul-tasting stuff you put on your fingernails to stop biting them. This works not just because of the taste, but also because you realize that you have started to do what you want to stop. A sign on top of your TV, or an alarm which rings to remind you to check your priorities are other possible reminders.
3. Develop a strategy to give yourself TIME to decide consciously.
Your unconscious brain works faster than your conscious brain. That's why sometimes something comes out of our mouths that we realize as we are saying it that we shouldn't have said. At one time I was saying yes whenever anyone asked me to do something. I was stretched too thin and not doing a good job. My strategy to overcome this was to tell people "I'll get back to you." Then I seriously considered if saying yes made sense.
4. Find an alternative not opposite behaviour.
Trying to stop an old habit is tough, for all the reasons above. Use the martial arts approach - deflect, don't stop. Find an alternative which will get you the results you want.
Remember it will be tough; expect setbacks, you are trying to change your unconscious programming. These days lots of talk about right/wrong, succeed/fail, what I call extreme thinking. Realistically, you probably will have setbacks - but don't think of it as failing, just not succeeding yet.
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